Decided to leave this blog alone first until the next time I come back :)

Welcome to visit my space:

www.yuwan2007.spaces.live.com

http://yuwan.bravejournal.com

Thanks for coming!!

Your friend,
- yuwan -

My life

I'm back here!

Simply because there's problem with MySpace... and I desperately need a room to share my thoughts. Even if nobody is reading this, I want to record this down for future reference, or rather, to serve as an encouragement for me in the future.

Life has changed tremendously since 3 months ago.

3 months ago, I'm not sure whether Hope is where I belong to; 3 months later, I've seen God's hand moving in my life. He has touched me times and again with His love and my spiritual growth is progressing well. I have settled down in this church and I have found a loving family to call myself part of it. I enjoy every single moment I spend with my friends in care group as well as in church. They brighten up my day and give me emotional support when I don't know where to turn to. They understand me and they keep me in prayer. We all care for each other and we accept each other. I'm so thankful God has given this care group to me as a gift. I am so blessed to be part of this family, and more importantly, I've found good friends here. We share the same beliefs, and we share the same sense of value. Although we come from great variety of backgrounds, we become united in Jesus.

Oceania Convention 2007 has certainly marked a significant milestone in my life. Growing up in a traditional church, pentecostal movement is something new to me. Speaking in tongue and lively praise and worship have never been parts of my life. But God assured me that it's okay for me to remain in this church. Softly and gently He spoke to me, my dear daughter, it may take time for you to fit in, but slowly and surely, you will adjust perfectly well in this church. This is a family I have given to you. Cherish it. I know God will carry me through those obstacles I'm going to face in the future. He's going to help me to break down the barriers in my heart. And He'll soften my heart so that I become less resistant to all these new doctrines and teaching in this apostalic church.

Sunday is often an exciting day for me. I'll wake up early in the morning, thanking God for a special day He has designated for us to rest. Sunday morning is always a happy morning. I can take my own time to prepare breakfast and dress up nicely for church. About 8.20 a.m. I'll wait for the pick-up at the car park of my hall (Richardson Hall). There is pre-service prayer at 9.00 a.m. and I always think I'm blessed to be there. Well, to some extent, it prepares my heart to worship God, and to have some expectations of God. I really thank God for having Christina as my buddy when it comes to prayer meeting. We always hold hand together and pray, and her hands are always warm. I'm glad God puts her in my life, and she is really a supportive friend! Later on, the 2-hour-service begins with praise and worship, testimony sharing and offering, followed by prayer and sermon, before it ends with song and prayers. Pastor Ian is a humble preacher and he is soft-spoken, yet a man of great faith and God-fearing heart. His godly wisdom and his tender love for God are written in his life - his speech and his action speak them all.

CDS - Christian Development School is another part of the church I benefit from. I enjoy the Bible teaching during this session. There are so much more for me to learn and it's a good thing Bible teaching is given great emphasis in this church. Discipleship is a strong element in this church and I love this idea! How good it is if all christians know Bible well enough to live according to God's will in their lives! How wonderful it is if every follower of Jesus knows the heart of God and listens to Him from His Word! And how sweet it is if God's Word is being treasured in a church with the whole congregation zealous for God's Word! I'm glad I choose to stay in this church. I love its mission and vision statement, because they speak my dream.

Mission of Hope Church, Waverly Centre:
To help fulfill the Great Commission by building strong biblical people to plant strong biblical churches in Melbourne, Australia and all over the world.

Vission statement:
Hope Melbourne Christian church, Waverly Centre brings the healing work of Jesus Christ to our community and is a place of refuge and restoration for all kinds of people. It also equips those belonging to the Waverly Centre in the healing ministry and in building strong biblical churches. Its most prominent characteristics are prayer, joy, unity, sincere love and the presence of people from many cultures.

I enjoy serving in this church as well =) I learn to cook for care group as well as for church lunch. It takes time, but it worths the effort, because I'm giving it to Jesus. Yesterday I cooked chicken and tauhu with Lester. It was my first time cooking this all by myself without Jessica. I had no confidence in myself and I didn't know what would it turn out to be like. I just prayed and asked God to give me wisdom to handle everything. It was hectic and chaotic to keep an eye on 3 pots of chicken at the same time. The kitchen was in a mess and the chicken was burnt! I felt bad for myself as we cleaned up the mess. The frying pan was spoilt. Lester's pot was damaged too. I told him I always believe that when we lose something, we will gain something at the same time. But I asked myself, what did I gain? I returned to the room, feeling tired and exhausted after the three-hour-cooking in the kitchen. My stomach wasn't feeling very well, so I took a rest first before I wrote my assignment for CDS.

Suddenly, I thought of the little boy in the story - Jesus fed the five thousand. There was a great crowd and the people were listening to Jesus eagerly. When the sky turned dark and people became hungry. But where to get food to feed these many people? A small boy gave Jesus his five SMALL barley loaves and two SMALL fish. His lunch box was meant for himself, and the amount was so insignificant, yet after Jesus gave thanks for the food, it multiplied and fed the five thousand with 12 baskets of leftovers. It was a miracle! I thought of myself as the little boy. I have nothing much to give to God. I am so insignificant. I do not have great cooking skill and what I can give is so little. Just like the little boy in the story, I want to Jesus the very best I can give. Even though it is just 3kg of chicken, I know Jesus will treasure it. It didn't taste really good, but God will bless it, and it is sufficient in Jesus' hand. With this, I thank God for reminding me of this story. A childhood bedtime story has become a comfort to a 20-year-old miserable girl who strives to give Jesus her very best.

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For the past week I've been dealing with some personal issue. There are many couples among my friends and I feel very bad about this. Not that I'm jealous of them, I really feel sorry for them. Maybe I am a bit too judgmental, or self-righteous, but I just can't help wondering why can't they wait for a year or so before they pair up. Could this be true love? But they are old enough to tell. I do not feel comfortable among them also. But my gracious Heavenly Father reminds me to love them the way He loves me, and accept them the way He accepts me. It is somewhat difficult for me to accept them but I'm learning to love them. Afterall, my capacity to love is limited, and I need God's help to love them. I am really sad for Christian friends who choose to find a BF/GF who is non-Christian. How could the believer and unbeliever bear the same yoke? I don't understand. Father, helps me not to question when I doubt. When my faith is shaken, remind me that You are faithful.. Indeed, the rainbow across the sky speaks of Your faithfulness from time to time. God has really been good to me. When I am down, He sends His angel to give me comfort. When I lose the sense of identity, He helps me to regain it by giving me His word. When I am lonely, He gives friends. He provides and He cares for even a tiny creature of His in this tiny spot on the Earth. Thank you Father =)

I've learned a great deal of things in the last 3 months. Thank you God, for taking control of my life. Indeed, it is my prayer that You take me deeper in Your love... that Your will be done in my life as it is in Heaven. I'm starting to believe that I can do something for You in this kingdom. Although I am just a little girl with big dreams, You never fail to show me You love me... Thanks!

Come

Last few days, I joined a care-group meeting in Jason’s house.
During the praise and worship session, I closed my eye and prayed.
I tried to focus on my prayer. Then I saw myself standing in front of a bridge.
The bridge looked narrow and seemed to have no end. I couldn’t see what’s on the other side. I was alone and nobody was by my side. I was afraid to step on the bridge.
But I had to keep going. That’s what life meant to be. You have to move on even though you are afraid to do so.
I had to cross to the other side.
My legs were shaking as I started my journey. I was trembling. I tried to look around. I saw people walking past me but they didn’t seem to notice me. They were walking swiftly by and didn’t even bother to greet me.
I wanted to know where we were heading to. But nobody answered my question. All of them were too busy to stop for a while.
I kept on walking. The bridge was getting narrower. I looked down at my feet and I saw holes on the bridge. I could see through the holes and I saw water rushing right below the bridge. I began to shiver. I looked around but there was nothing for me to grip hold of.
I found no strength to move on. Then I heard a gentle voice.
All at once, I saw somebody at the far end there of the bridge. He was wearing a white robe and He was smiling at me.
He held out His hand and said, “Just come. Trust me.”
I looked at Him. And I walked. My eyes stayed focus on Him. I didn’t turn to right of left anymore. Slowly, but surely, I moved forward with the new-found-strength.
The journey was long. But I wasn’t scared anymore.
With my eyes locked on Him, I could walk steadily to the other side of the bridge.

He is Jesus.
The journey is long. Sometimes it is arduous. Sometimes I feel lonely. Sometimes I am weak. Sometimes I want to give up. But knowing that my Lord is waiting for me at the end of the journey, I have no fear to live on my life.
Because of Jesus, I find the courage to move on.
Because of Jesus, I find the strength to keep going.

“Come.”
Jesus is inviting every one of us to come into His presence. Just come.
And He will give you rest.

3 important lessons

I've learned a very important lesson in my care-group discussion tonight. Ivy was leading the discussion. Rachel, Yoko, Aiji, Shireen and Choon Wei were in my group. To sum things up, we learned that:

(1) I'm Special!

(2) God has a plan for me

(3) I'm here to accomplish what He has planned for me

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(1) I'm Special!

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Everyone is special in God's sight. To our Heavenly Father, each of us is His dearly beloved child. He loves us, just like any other parents love their children. He knows us, just like how our parents know us inside out. He understands me, even when I do not tell Him what is hidden in my heart. We are special. None of us is identical for God. He has spent time deciding how am I going to look like and He has determined what kind of role I am going to play. He has foreseen my future even before I was born and He sees beyond my weaknesses and limitations. I may not be as smart as others when it comes to talking on the stage. I may not play musical instrument very well. I may find difficulties in playing tennis or badminton. I may not prevent myself from getting drowned in a swimming pool. I may not know how to communicate with kids effectively. I may lose my way in a small town and can't find my way home. I may be stupid to others and dumb to myself, but God treasures me just as much as He treasures the most popular girl in my school. I'm a precious child to Him.

Too often, I tend to compare myself with others. I am not as pretty and I am not as clever as others. I am too shy to speak out and I have no the courage to lead. I am just who I am. But I am special! Nobody is comparable to me in God's kingdom. I'm Yu Wan!!!

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(2) God has a plan for me

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Ivy pictured God's plan for us in a very attractive way. She imagined a library in the heaven and there are billions of books there on the shelves. Each book is given a name. And the name belongs to one person on the Earth. The books have different thicknesses. There's one book entitled 'Yu Wan' and there's another labeled 'Yoko'. Each book has its own story that is distinctive from any other book. It tells of the plans God has for me. All books may begin with the same scene: baby wrapped in clothes, yet as the story unfolds, each book has its own plot and conflict. That's how special we are to God. He cares for me so much that He becomes the author of my life. What is God's plan for me?

As we flip through Bible, we can find familiar verses that tell us how God wants us to live our lives and also what He commands us to do. Those are His plans. He wants us to be holy and to live up to our callings. He wants us to trust in Him and not to worry about tomorrow. He wants us to love one another and honour our parents. To each individual, God has a specific plan for us. His plan is unknown to us at the moment. But we can be sure that as we follow closely in His steps, His plan for our future is prosperous.

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(3) I'm here to accomplish His Plan

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We are here to fulfill God's Plan for us. The Great Commission is among few commandments being given by our Lord. We are called to go out and make disciples of all nations. We are called to witness for Him and to be different. We are called to shine for the Lord and serve Him with the talents He has given to us. We are here to maximise our potential in order to exalt the name of Jesus to the highes.

Ivy shared a dream with us. One night, a man went up to heaven. He saw many people walking around there and they were dressed in robes. Some of them wore plain white robes while some others wore beautiful robes with light shining forth. He asked the angel what made the difference between their dressings. The angel replied him, telling him that those plain white robes were for those who have received salvation freely while those beautiful robes were only for those who have lived their lives as faithful and good servants.

Our God has blessed us with so many gifts that we do not deserve. What have I done in response to His love? Maybe it's time for me to think of what I can tell Him when I stand before Him in the last day, when I am being asked: What have you done for me, my dear?

I hope I'll be able to answer the question by then.

Living up to God's Standard

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

1 Peter 2:10

I have a special identity. I belong to the chosen people of God. I am His child. I belong to a royal prieshood, a holy nation, I belong to God. I am the child of light. I am a Christian. What is being expected of a christian? Some people define christians as saints that carry Bible around, some people see christians as a bunch of people who go to church every Sunday, some people think Christians are those who strictly abide by the Ten Commandments, some people presume Christians are those who do not break rules and they are nice.

Christians are a special group of people. In fact, they are called by God out of darkness into His wonderful light. They are the chosen ones. However, too often we do not live up to the expectations of others, neither do we live up to God's standard. We are under great pressure to live out the image a holy nation ought to bear. In the end of the day, some of us fail to do so and become backsliding, some of us who are more superior look down on those who are less, some of us do not find love in this kingdom.

Christians are merely sinners who have received the forgiveness of Christ. They have nothing in common except they are saved by the blood of Jesus. They do not share the same colours of skin and they do not speak the same language. They think and act differently in their own cultural settings and they have different family backgrounds. They have different gifts and they face different problems. Christians are just distinctly different from each other. In fact, it's only in Jesus Christ, they are united to become One. We do carry the image of Jesus in this world, we do bear the responsible of spreading His love, we do call ourselves Church. But who we are?

We are just people who have freely received the grace of God, and who are freely passing on His grace to our friends and family. We are not worthy of His grace, we have done nothing proud of to deserve His grace, we are just people chosen by God. He looked at me from high above the heaven, and He saw me in my weakest point. He then picked me up from the dust and He called me into His presence.

It is not the theology that counts. It is the grace of Heavenly Father that is being revealed in Jesus that counts. It is the love of the Father that is the gist of Christianity. It is the blood that Jesus shed on the Christ that set the foundation of our faith. Our God's calling for us is to offer up our bodies as living sacrificies, and allow Him to refine and mould us to fit Him perfectly. We are yet to be perfect, but we can declare ourselves as the Children of Light.

We do make mistakes from time to time. But we are not shameful of our wrongdoings. We repent and we change. We correct our mistakes and we become strengthened again to move on after a fall. We are people who have received mercy and we are to show others what mercy really is. In forgiving others, people see the merciful hands of Jesus; in embracing others, people see the welcoming hands of Jesus; in tapping the shoulder of a friend, people see the encouraging hands of Jesus; in contributing what you have, people see the helping hands of Jesus; in doing good deeds, people see the loving hands of Jesus.

We are just a group of people who play the role of Jesus' hands in this world.

We are nothing, yet we are special.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

Psalm 40:2

Do you dare to pray such a prayer?

"Do anything, Lord, that will fit me to serve thee and to help my beloveds."

This is the prayer of Amy Carmichael, a missionary in India. And God answered her prayer by allowing her to become bedridden on that very day. For the following 20 years, she wrote prose and poetry that made known her ministry in India to the the world.

Do you dare to pray such a prayer?

A question that is posed to me in my daily devotion.

Do I dare to pray such a prayer? What if God takes away my life in exchange for a friend's soul? What if He allows tragedies to happen just to fit me into His Army? How would I know what is in His mind when I make such prayer? To trust God is to remove all the fears of What ifs and surrender all that I am into His hand. To trust God is to subject to His sovereignty and His will even though I could not comprehend His ways. To trust God is to place my faith in Him by following His plan for me even when I have no idea where He is heading. To trust God is to know that He is there always. To trust God is to talk to Him every day and let Him be my Guide and my Shepherd.

To trust God is to tell Him right at this moment:

Father, do anything that will fit me to serve You and to help my friends and family, and those who need Your love out there in the world.

Do you trust Him?

I do.